


Hold Me Close

by AuthorUnniOng



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Seungyul - Freeform, cho seungyoun - Freeform, hangyul will protect him, lee hangyul - Freeform, seungyoun is overwhelmed, soft hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 18:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20568635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorUnniOng/pseuds/AuthorUnniOng
Summary: Seungyoun bottles up his feelings and worries until it blows up in his face. Hangyul find a way to comfort him.





	Hold Me Close

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys,   
this is my first x1 fic so i'm nervous.   
i hope you all enjoy and i'll leave my twitter and curious cat at the end if you wanna add me and fangirl over x1 or prompt me some ideas. 
> 
> \- min (ong unni)

Seungyoun didn’t like to cry in front of anyone.

He was more the ‘bottle up all your feelings, deep, deep inside and play off any negative emotions by making inappropriate jokes then cry alone at 3 am’ type.

This worked pretty well most of the time, particularly when he lived alone but things got more difficult when other people were added to the equation. It was hard to hide emotions when you didn’t have a moment alone to sort through them. Now he lived with his ten members, ten people that relied on him constantly and left him no room to breathe. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be around them, it wasn’t that he didn’t love them. It was that all the issues, the responsibility, the magnitude of the situation was drowning him and he was the second eldest. He _had_ to keep it together.

Things finally came to a breaking point a few weeks after debut. Their debut had been successful, despite everything working against them; the cf cancellations, the music shows banning them, the mnet scandal. It was all a success but none of it seemed sustainable to him, he was constantly on edge, constantly worrying if he was doing enough, if he was doing too much.

On their first free evening in almost a month, he finally snapped.

Tears streaming from his eyes over seemingly nothing. Luckily, he was alone in his room, with most of the members choosing to watch a scary movie in the lower floor living room. He felt like his chest was being crushed with the effort to keep breathing, he dropped his phone on the bedside table and curled up into a ball under his duvet, his entire body shuddering with his sobs.

He couldn’t even figure out the specific thing that triggered it, it was like someone started to press down on his chest, his whole body tingling yet numb.

He didn’t know how much time passed. It could have been a few minutes, or a few hours.

_You’re not good enough._

_You’re going to ruin everything. _

_It won’t last, soon you’ll be alone again._

The thoughts filled his heart like poison.

He was breaking his own heart…

_Did you really think you were good enough-_

His self-pity was interrupted when the door to his shared bedroom swung open unexpectedly.

He froze. Shoulders hunched, hiding under his duvet and trying to stop himself from trembling. 

“Dohyun got scared like we thought he would, movie night was cancelled…” Hangyul explained, his unexpected presence. Seungyoun couldn’t bring himself to reply. “Ahh, you’re probably asleep… night, hyung,” Hangyul called out softly.

“Night,” Seungyoun managed to whisper back, eyes still burning with tears.

There was a long pause and Seungyoun thought he might have actually gotten away with it, until another beat passed and he heard the younger’s voice once again.

“Hyung, are you okay?” His voice was much closer.

_No, I need a hug. Please hold me. _He wanted to say.

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, “tired.” Instead.

_Fuck. _His voice was scratchy, so obvious.

“Mmmhmm? You wanna turn around?” Hangyul said, one of his hands on Seungyoun’s shoulder.

Seungyoun shook his head, swiping at his eyes, trying to hide the tears.

“Hyung….?”

Seungyoun ignored him.

“I’ll go get Seungwoo hyung…”

Seungyoun frantically shook his head. The last thing he needed was to put more burden on their leader.

“Okay, well, I’m coming in then.”

“Wha-”

Seungyoun startled as Hangyul’s arm was thrown over him and he suddenly felt the younger’s weight dip the mattress as he threw his leg over him and climbed, wedging himself between Seungyoun and the wall.

“Hi,” he breathed, he was so close the older could feel his breath tickling his cheek. He tried to shuffled back but stopped when Hangyul’s arm snaked around his waist.

“Hi…” Seungyoun replied.

“Hyung, seriously what’s wrong?” Hangyul was getting more and more concerned, eyes scanning the elder’s face for what could have caused this, “I’ve never seen you cry like this. Talk to me.”

Seungyoun took a deep breath. He tried to calm his breathing.

“I’m okay. Really.” His tone was unconvincing and his entire body still trembled.

“Hyung, are we not close? Did you mean what you said at the fansign? We’re just co-workers?” Hangyul asked, a pout now forming on his lips.

“What? Of course not.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me? I see you shutting yourself down, the way your smile drops when you think no one is watching.” He pleads with his eyes.

“I don’t want to burden you. Or anyone else. I’m your hyung. I have to be strong. I have to keep it together for all of you.” Seungyoun explained as simply as he could a couple of stray tears, slipping from the corner of his eyes. “I don’t want to fail anyone; I don’t want to make the group fail.”

“Hyung…” Hangyul’s grip around his waist tightened. He pressed his forehead against the elders. “You’re not a burden.”

“I have to help Seungwoo hyung, I have to help with the younger ones.” Seungyoun shook his head. “No matter how much I hate this responsibly its mine and I can’t push it onto anyone else.

“Well, can’t you at least talk to me? Let me look after you-”

“You’re still young, you’re my dongsaeng by three years.”

“Not in here,” Hangyul cupped his face, “In our room you don’t have to be a hyung,” Hangyul’s thumb brushed along the elder’s jaw. “and I don’t have to be your dongsaeng…”

Seungyoun’s heart raced in his chest, it was a caged bird struggling to break free. He knew Hangyul could feel it too, they were pressed chest to chest after all. 

“You’re _just_ Seungyoun, I’m_ just_ Hangyul.” Hangyul emphasized. “Please, Seungyoun ah. Let me look after you.”

The look the younger gave him was so earnest, so filled with affection, that it broke through any reservations he had. 

It didn’t take long before the tears were streaming again, he pressed his face into the crook of his neck and let it all out, he couldn’t even form words. The younger boy’s hand rubbing comforting circles in the small of his back.

“It’s okay, it’s okay baby.” Hangyul murmured, his husky tone warmed Seungyoun’s heart and he finally managed to speak.

“I feel like... I feel like… I’m letting everyone down.” He spoke, face still pressed against his neck, he couldn’t bear to look him in the eye. “Everything is piled up against us and I need to be better.”

“Seungyoun. Look at me.” Hangyul tried to pull back to look at him, despite the elder’s reluctance he knew he was stronger.

Seungyoun looked up at Hangyul, their eyes finally locking. The younger’s expression was unreadable as he swiped his thumbs gently under his hyung’s eyes, wiping away the tears.

“You can’t think of us as nine kids who need to be looked after and a leader who’s relying on you. We’re your family… I hope you’ll think of us that way at least. We’ll look after each other; you aren’t alone anymore. This isn’t just on you; you might look after us a lot but let us look after you too.” Hangyul said, his grip tightening on Seungyoun’s waist, fingers dipping slightly under his shirt that had ridden up, “Trust me, I’m here for you.”

Seungyoun felt himself relax in the younger boy’s grip. It was like he was being surrounded by a blanket of comfort. A hand grabbing his and pulling him out of the vast ocean of worries. He could breathe again.

Staring into Hangyul’s eyes he could see a kaleidoscope of emotions but the one that stood out the most was love. Something about him felt secure… safe. He wanted to melt into the protection of his arms and never emerge again. It was what he was craving, what he needed. Before he knew what he was doing he closed the gap between them pressed his lips against his.

Just as soon as he did he tried to pull back, panic running through him.

Hangyul was frozen for only a split second before surging forward and capturing Seungyoun’s lips in his, he could taste the salt of the elder’s tears on his skin.

It was innocent, soft lips moving against one another, hesitant hands hovering over each other’s bodies, excited but tentative, unsure of which boundaries they’re allowed to breach.

They broke away far too quickly for either of their liking, deep breaths escaping their lips.

Seungyoun looked nervous, “I’m sor-”

Hangyul kissed him again, “Don’t say sorry. Let me hold you while we go to sleep. Let me love you.”

Seungyoun didn’t know how to reply to that but he felt his face getting warm, his heart melted as he lay his head on the younger boy’s chest, his fingers running through his hair.

Hangyul began to hum something familiar, Seungyoun could feel it in his chest, the way it vibrated against his ear.

“_You’re diving in my pool; I wave my heart.” _Hangyul hummed, Seungyoun’s heart skipped. “_My swimming pool, all day when you’re swimming here_.” He was singing Seungyoun’s song back to him. He wanted to cry for an entirely different reason, he tightened his arms around the younger and felt his lips press against the crown of his head. He let himself drift out of consciousness surrounded his warmth.

_“When you look at me, I can’t do anything. You make my crazy...”_

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Ongie_Yoongs)  
<3  
[CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/AuthorUnniOng) <3


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